It’s Monday.
The start of another long week in a most unusual year. The calendar tells me it’s August but in my mind, it still feels more like April. And that’s because one of April’s finest traditions is once again upon us.
The Toronto Maple Leafs have been eliminated from the post-season. This time, before it even started.
That’s right- the ridiculously over-rated, consistently disappointing and highly obnoxious Leafs have now gone 16 season without winning a playoff series. Just let the sheer magnitude of their failure swirl around in your brain for a little bit.
It’s truly remarkable.
And unfortunately, because of the stupid Phase 2 Lottery, we can’t properly enjoy the misfortune of our rivals. Not yet anyway.
Because tonight at 6:00 PM, the Toronto Maple Leafs will join seven other teams in the completion of the Alexis Lafreniere sweepstakes. Sometime shortly after the dinner hour, we’ll know which team has grabbed the top spot in this year’s Entry Draft.
So as we prepare for tonight’s stupidity, here are the Phase 2 Power Rankings, presented in order from the best possible outcome to the worst.
8. Winnipeg Jets– If there is any justice in the world, the original Team E will leave tonight’s event with the top pick in the Draft. As we all know, the Jets would have been the team that earned the top pick during the first lottery so it’s only fair that they win it again. Plus, if Alexis Lafreniere has to play in a Canadian city other than Ottawa, Winnipeg is the best option because he’ll never truly be happy there. Hmm pretty spiteful start to these power rankings. Winnipeg also happens to be a team that I think would seriously consider moving the first overall pick which could open up some interesting options for the Senators.
7. Minneosta Wild- Minnesota would be an equally acceptable outcome. Despite playing in a great hockey market, it’s sort of hard to think of a more blah hockey team than the Wild. Never terrible, never great, just always sort of there. If they were to land Lafreniere, at least then I would know a player on their active roster. Does Wes Walz still play there?
6. Nashville Predators- Next up- another Western Conference team that I don’t particularly care about. Matt Duchene is going to need some help over the next 15 years of his contract so they can have Lafreniere if they want. This is the point in the list where the options start to get fairly stupid though. Nashville is a pretty good team that is clearly built to win now. Handing them a first overall pick would be ridiculous.
5. Edmonton Oilers- This would just be funny. Sad and stupid too but super funny.
4. Florida Panthers- Florida is in a similar category to Minnesota and Nashville in that I don’t particularity care about them but I put them a little higher on the list because they’re in the same division as Ottawa. The Panthers already have a lot of talent on their roster and adding Lafreniere puts them in a great spot.
3. New York Rangers- Clearly a team on the rise, if the Rangers were to come away with Lafreniere, it’s not hard to imagine them as a legit contender in the not too distant future. We really don’t need anyone getting in the way of our unparalleled success.
2. Pittsburgh Penguins- The NHL already rigged one lottery for the Penguins and it led to them winning multiple Stanley Cups. The idea that they could stumble into another generational player makes me a little bit nauseous. It’s strange to say but I think this outcome might be tied for the top spot.
1. Toronto Maple Leafs- This is certainly the most 2020 outcome and probably the one we should all be preparing ourselves for. Alexis Lafreniere really doesn’t solve any of their problems but it’s still disgusting to think that they have a 12.5% chance of walking away with him later tonight. Although, can they even fit him in after that they lock Cody Ceci up long term?
